Soapbox of Despair....

If I were to break down these complex and often compounded feelings of late, it is a lack of intimate attention I am suffering. Is this perhaps a selfish plea, have I been attentive to those around me? Not really. Feelings of separation both internally and externally are the likely cause. Although I know I am not alone it is often difficult to dispute the emotional isolation that I feel. Many months of close quarters with my dear Kate has been a contributor to the absence I harbor. With proper cause assessed, I know that my weekday solitude is most problematic. I often feel the need to make responsible choices with my time, knowing that an evening with friends that may be temporarily gratifying will cost dearly the next day. But I can feel the absence of life, the preference of fantasy to reality growing. I am detached, literally, from my friends here. Little things possess greater meaning and consequence through internal experience. The books with which I am so familiar have taught much about introspection and life on a macrocosmic level. This shiny hamster wheel is most distracting and endlessly reflective. Or I suppose what I am really trying to say is that I am lonely and sad.